So, I'm babysitting the other night. I'm making dinner for the boys and they are playing in the other room. I bring Joe the corn i had just made for him and start to dish it onto his plate. He looks up at me with his sweet, innocent, 5-year old eyes and says, "what the hell is that?"
i tried really hard to discipline him and explain that that was not a word that was ok to use, but i was laughing too hard to be effective. then i tell his father (aaron, and my friend and pastor) what has just happened. he doubles over in laughter and says, "i just don't know where they get this stuff!"
i just look at him and say, "are you seriously asking this question? i know exactly where they get this." and then i just look at him.
from the mouths of babes.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Another Great Weekend
This was another great weekend. I went to the Red River Gorge with the youth group from La Roca. It was an amazing trip, for so many reasons. I almost didn't go, and i can't articulate how glad i am that i went. hiking, talking, silence, praying, worshiping, game-playing, lots of silliness and laughter and most of all-being together. It was a great reminder that I really, really love these kids. Some days i'm drained and wonder what it is i have to offer them... but I'm so grateful for each and every one of them.
and what's important to remember is that La Roca is far from your typical youth group. Some of our kids have been kicked out of their schools. Most of them rarely hear affirmation at home. What most people probably see in these kids is the rough edges (and trust me, those rough edges are there)... but this is a group of kids that is chock full of quirkiness, love, opinions and leadership. it's our job to steer them. i love getting to have a small part in this journey.
we had this time of affirmation for all of us on saturday night, and it was incredible thing. and i can remember thinking, "ALL of these kids have so much to offer." and then sunday morning, we all sat crowded together in one row... and i loved it. i loved not having enough space, with my arm around michelle... nudging her to wake up every few minutes. I loved how proud I was of Chance and Michelle for sharing with the church about the retreat. I loved feeling like my heart would burst for this crazy group of middle school and high school students.
And i love that this is not typical youth ministry. I love that it's not a group of suburban kids who have grown up in church. I love the realness and rawness... because that makes seeing the good in these kids that much sweeter. Even though they've got so many battles to fight, they are slowly learning that they have a church family who loves them, and a God who fights for them.
and what's important to remember is that La Roca is far from your typical youth group. Some of our kids have been kicked out of their schools. Most of them rarely hear affirmation at home. What most people probably see in these kids is the rough edges (and trust me, those rough edges are there)... but this is a group of kids that is chock full of quirkiness, love, opinions and leadership. it's our job to steer them. i love getting to have a small part in this journey.
we had this time of affirmation for all of us on saturday night, and it was incredible thing. and i can remember thinking, "ALL of these kids have so much to offer." and then sunday morning, we all sat crowded together in one row... and i loved it. i loved not having enough space, with my arm around michelle... nudging her to wake up every few minutes. I loved how proud I was of Chance and Michelle for sharing with the church about the retreat. I loved feeling like my heart would burst for this crazy group of middle school and high school students.
And i love that this is not typical youth ministry. I love that it's not a group of suburban kids who have grown up in church. I love the realness and rawness... because that makes seeing the good in these kids that much sweeter. Even though they've got so many battles to fight, they are slowly learning that they have a church family who loves them, and a God who fights for them.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Change is a-comin'
I am driving south on Interstate 75... getting away for the weekend to see a dear friend... one who has been with me through a lot. It feels good to get away for a few days, not because I don't like my life, but because we all need little breaks once in a while. And i am feeling good about seeing someone who knows me well. I'm driving through the mountains and multiple radio stations turn to just one country station to no radio station at all. Then I remember that I have a used portable CD player in the trunk... i manage to get it out and find whatever CD's are floating around in the back of my car. I pop in some Josh Bales, who I love, but who I have not listened to in a long time. At about this time I'm driving into Chattanooga, and a tidal wave of emotions hit me. I'm reminded of the summer I worked in Chattanooga at Widow's Harvest, when I would listen to this very CD almost every day. And i'm suddenly reminded of the loneliness of those three months, and of the sadness I felt, and of how helpless I felt in dealing with everything. I'm reminded of how I just can't figure out how to articulate what I feel... and that no one seems to get it. At the same time, I'm thankful. So thankful. Because i know that this is not who I am anymore. I know that I have people who love me, and I'm learning to not blame others for my junk. I'm learning not let loneliness and sadness swallow me up anymore. I'm learning to let hope break into my heart.
I'm still driving down I-75, into Atlanta. I spend time with Erin.... one who has seen both deep pain and deep joy in my life. But even as I'm in Atlanta, I'm reminded of this painful season of my life. And again, I'm reminded of how God has changed and transformed me. and i'm thankful.
And i'm reminded that God is continuously changing me, transforming me, loving me, trading the bad for the good. It's so refreshing to be able to concretely see how God is making me confident in who He has created me to be.
I'm still driving down I-75, into Atlanta. I spend time with Erin.... one who has seen both deep pain and deep joy in my life. But even as I'm in Atlanta, I'm reminded of this painful season of my life. And again, I'm reminded of how God has changed and transformed me. and i'm thankful.
And i'm reminded that God is continuously changing me, transforming me, loving me, trading the bad for the good. It's so refreshing to be able to concretely see how God is making me confident in who He has created me to be.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Little Things
exciting things this week:
- the addition of an original nintendo game system to our house (thanks chelsea!)
- knowing that i get to go on a road trip this weekend to see a good friend
- the convenience of having a washer and dryer in my own house
- good conversations with friends i love while drinking yumminess!
- getting to pray with others
- getting to go on walks around my neighborhood, and having extra time this week to do that
- the joy of no longer having to read a book by Bill Hybels
- being able to finally wear long-sleeved t-shirts and hoodies
Friday, October 12, 2007
First Dinner
Last night was our first neighborhood dinner, and i think it went well! We had a good crowd of folks there, and I managed to talk my new neighbor, Ann, and her granddaughter into joining us. I was really glad they came, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them. Samantha and her brothers joined us, along with Chance, so we had a full house. It was a cool thing to look around Aaron's house and see people i knew and didn't know, and have the chance to eat, laugh and talk together. jordan playing with the kids in the living room....talking about the neighborhood and the church....getting to share our stories together......i'm really glad that this is how i get to spend my time.
and then, this morning, Ann's granddaughter knocks on our door at 7. she missed her bus and wanted to know if i could take her to school. that was a cool moment, for so many reasons....life together... it's a cool deal.
in other happenings, i am not really looking forward to this week.... only because of lots of schoolwork! a big midterm due on wednesday, but i'm plugging through because at the end of the week i'm headed to atlanta to see one of my favorite people in the world-my old roommate erin. so i'm pretty pumped about that. i'm really excited about a weekend away with a good friend. it's been an up and down week, but one filled with so many examples of God's faithfulness... encouragement just when i've needed it most.... reminders of how God has created me and called me.
and then, this morning, Ann's granddaughter knocks on our door at 7. she missed her bus and wanted to know if i could take her to school. that was a cool moment, for so many reasons....life together... it's a cool deal.
in other happenings, i am not really looking forward to this week.... only because of lots of schoolwork! a big midterm due on wednesday, but i'm plugging through because at the end of the week i'm headed to atlanta to see one of my favorite people in the world-my old roommate erin. so i'm pretty pumped about that. i'm really excited about a weekend away with a good friend. it's been an up and down week, but one filled with so many examples of God's faithfulness... encouragement just when i've needed it most.... reminders of how God has created me and called me.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Righteous Anger
I have had an absurd number of conversations with women this week who do not understand what beautiful creations they are. Some of these conversations have started as the result of hearing about terrible things that have been done to some of the most amazing women i've met.... abuse given by people that we should be able to trust. and something i've heard come from the mouths of each of these women.... a thought that part of this must be their fault, that they could have stopped it. and it is at this point that i want to both yell and cry. we do terrible things with power, and i've heard some of those stories this week. it's sickening.
at the same time, i've been reading Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia. She talks about what happens to most girls in pre-adolescence... about how most girls find that they can't truly be themselves and be accepted. They find that they must choose one or the other. This makes me so, so sad. It makes me sad because i relate. It makes me sad because i look around at so many of the beautiful girls and women in my life and I know this has taken place in their hearts. And it makes me wonder what the church's role is in all this... as a community of faith, what is it that we can do to let girls know that we deeply accept their true selves? How do we communicate that God made their true selves and accepts them?
It makes me realize that THIS is the task of community. To let each other know that we do not merely accept a figment of one's persona, but that we accept the true versions of ourselves, because that is what God does for us.
In the beginning of Pipher's book she says something to the effect of, "It takes a village to raise a child. Most girls don't have a village." I don't want to just be angry and sad about this statement-I want to work to change this, because this is NOT how God wants His people to live.
There is a much better way waiting to be found.
at the same time, i've been reading Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia. She talks about what happens to most girls in pre-adolescence... about how most girls find that they can't truly be themselves and be accepted. They find that they must choose one or the other. This makes me so, so sad. It makes me sad because i relate. It makes me sad because i look around at so many of the beautiful girls and women in my life and I know this has taken place in their hearts. And it makes me wonder what the church's role is in all this... as a community of faith, what is it that we can do to let girls know that we deeply accept their true selves? How do we communicate that God made their true selves and accepts them?
It makes me realize that THIS is the task of community. To let each other know that we do not merely accept a figment of one's persona, but that we accept the true versions of ourselves, because that is what God does for us.
In the beginning of Pipher's book she says something to the effect of, "It takes a village to raise a child. Most girls don't have a village." I don't want to just be angry and sad about this statement-I want to work to change this, because this is NOT how God wants His people to live.
There is a much better way waiting to be found.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Insomnia
it is nearing 2 in the morning, and i cannot sleep. i would like to be asleep, because i need to be up in about 6 hours. so much is on my mind. a conversation i had earlier tonight. a conversation i need to have tomorrow. needing to confess. needing to confront. my own shortcomings. new friends. the beauty and pain of community life. attempting to trust God with so many unknowns. trying to be sure of who i am. living into the beauty and grace of God. wrapping my head around the mystery of the plans of God. trying to find balance in my life. why chocolate exudes such joy. you know...the normal stuff.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Speaking Life
"To always be relevant, you must only say that which is eternal."
-Simone Weil
this makes me stop dead in my tracks.... i definitely say a lot that is not eternal.
-Simone Weil
this makes me stop dead in my tracks.... i definitely say a lot that is not eternal.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Random Notes
it's been a good first couple weeks of school and settling into my new abode. i'm really exciting about living in the '05, and about being able to hang with some cool people. after the loneliness of the past year, this has been a breath of fresh air. we've already had people over a couple of times to play games, aaron comes over when he gets locked out of his house, and i feel like we've got a house full of warmth and love, and i'm excited about that.
i'm taking a class about forgiveness and counseling this semester-i think it'll be really good. and i also think that it will intersect with many areas of my life that i didn't really expect. on the first day of class, toddy tells us that we won't talk about self-forgiveness, because she doesn't see self-forgiveness mentioned in scripture, since that is a western ideal. this, of course, has gotten me thinking about a lot. and then i start reading.... about how forgiveness really should be a communal practice, but we've privatized it in the west. and if we really think about it, forgivenss is about the "restoration of communion." it's not about making me feel better about how i've hurt someone, but about restoring me to both God and community. there's something to chew on there, for sure. i think forgiveness is one of those words we throw around a lot, but i wonder if we really understand what it means? if we really know what is encapsulated in forgiving someone else? if we understand what it means that God forgives us? is it just a lofty, soft word...or is there power behind it?
we're going on a community retreat this saturday... i think it will be good. and tomorrow i'm cooking breakfast for ian and elizabeth so that we can talk about some crazy community ideas we have. i'm pretty pumped.
have you ever had a really great hug? i'm a hugger.... and i love to give and receive big, bear hugs. last night after church i saw my friend becky, who lives down the street from me. she got really excited when she saw me, and gave me one of those big, long-lasting, embracing hugs. it made me happy. there's something about a good hug... i think because you are both giving and receiving love all in the same moment. it's really kind of a beautiful thing. and it was just so affirming to see how much becky wanted to love on me... it's nice to have those moments some days.... right up there with little joe running down the church hallway yelling, "maggie! maggie!" with a huge smile on his face. i needed that (of course, as soon as he saw me, he says, "hey bad nanny!"...but i'll take what i can get).
so... i may not get any schoolwork done this semester, and perhaps i'll fail out of my third year of seminary.... but at least i'll be loved along the way.....
i'm taking a class about forgiveness and counseling this semester-i think it'll be really good. and i also think that it will intersect with many areas of my life that i didn't really expect. on the first day of class, toddy tells us that we won't talk about self-forgiveness, because she doesn't see self-forgiveness mentioned in scripture, since that is a western ideal. this, of course, has gotten me thinking about a lot. and then i start reading.... about how forgiveness really should be a communal practice, but we've privatized it in the west. and if we really think about it, forgivenss is about the "restoration of communion." it's not about making me feel better about how i've hurt someone, but about restoring me to both God and community. there's something to chew on there, for sure. i think forgiveness is one of those words we throw around a lot, but i wonder if we really understand what it means? if we really know what is encapsulated in forgiving someone else? if we understand what it means that God forgives us? is it just a lofty, soft word...or is there power behind it?
we're going on a community retreat this saturday... i think it will be good. and tomorrow i'm cooking breakfast for ian and elizabeth so that we can talk about some crazy community ideas we have. i'm pretty pumped.
have you ever had a really great hug? i'm a hugger.... and i love to give and receive big, bear hugs. last night after church i saw my friend becky, who lives down the street from me. she got really excited when she saw me, and gave me one of those big, long-lasting, embracing hugs. it made me happy. there's something about a good hug... i think because you are both giving and receiving love all in the same moment. it's really kind of a beautiful thing. and it was just so affirming to see how much becky wanted to love on me... it's nice to have those moments some days.... right up there with little joe running down the church hallway yelling, "maggie! maggie!" with a huge smile on his face. i needed that (of course, as soon as he saw me, he says, "hey bad nanny!"...but i'll take what i can get).
so... i may not get any schoolwork done this semester, and perhaps i'll fail out of my third year of seminary.... but at least i'll be loved along the way.....
Thursday, September 06, 2007
New Eyes
here i am. starting my third and (almost) final year of seminary. i can remember my first semester like it was yesterday.... questioning if i had made the right decision, wondering if i should go somewhere else...but not sure where, bursting into tears at the thought of seeing how i had done on an O'Malley Church History exam. and here i am now... feeling like i've somewhat found my place, feeling, again, like i'm on the edge of something. it's a cool, scary, overwhelming, funny feeling. to look back and see all that worried me, and to see where God has brought me. it's weird to look back sometimes, but necessary...and humbling. and now i'm here, telling others about seminary and ministry and life and community and all the rest... still learning... attempting to grow...praying through it all. sometimes a little perspective goes a long way.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
New House
i've been in my new place for about a week, and we're still working on settling in, unpacking, all of that stuff. i can't tell you how much i love this house! but really... it's more than the house.
i love how God has worked all of this out. i love the roommates He has provided. I love being near so many cool people. i love the relationships i see unfolding. i love the fact that we had about 10 people over last night to play games. i love that i'm sitting in kim's house doing laundry right now. i love that it only takes me about 3 minutes to get to church. i love that some of the church kids are already coming over to bug me and see if i'm home. i love the relationships that are coming about because i'm in the neighborhood. i love this community i'm in... that i feel more loved and a "part" of something than i've felt in a while. i love that i'm among people who really want to love on me and encourage me. i love that God is showing me ways i can serve this community.
and another cool moment this week: there's this family that many other individuals have been pouring into for a while, and this family recently moved really close to where i'm living. i've spent a bit of time with the mom and kids, but not tons, but I really feel like God is doing something here. and i'm realizing, too, what a blessing this mom is to me. they are in need in a number of ways, but this woman has also blessed me by just loving me and showing me hospitality. the other night it's raining and thundering and apparently their power went out a couple of times. so she calls me to ask if we're ok, if our power had gone out, to check on us. how awesome is that?
i love how God has worked all of this out. i love the roommates He has provided. I love being near so many cool people. i love the relationships i see unfolding. i love the fact that we had about 10 people over last night to play games. i love that i'm sitting in kim's house doing laundry right now. i love that it only takes me about 3 minutes to get to church. i love that some of the church kids are already coming over to bug me and see if i'm home. i love the relationships that are coming about because i'm in the neighborhood. i love this community i'm in... that i feel more loved and a "part" of something than i've felt in a while. i love that i'm among people who really want to love on me and encourage me. i love that God is showing me ways i can serve this community.
and another cool moment this week: there's this family that many other individuals have been pouring into for a while, and this family recently moved really close to where i'm living. i've spent a bit of time with the mom and kids, but not tons, but I really feel like God is doing something here. and i'm realizing, too, what a blessing this mom is to me. they are in need in a number of ways, but this woman has also blessed me by just loving me and showing me hospitality. the other night it's raining and thundering and apparently their power went out a couple of times. so she calls me to ask if we're ok, if our power had gone out, to check on us. how awesome is that?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Moving Day!
tomorrow is moving day! yay! this has felt like it's been a long time in coming, and as much as i don't like the packing, organizing, moving, etc... i'm ready to be in my new place! jessica came over and helped me get one load in her car, and then we hung out and talked about lots of different things, which was great. also, for any of you who may be helping, my soon to be old apartment kind of smells, due to an AC leak, and i apologize from the bottom of my heart. please forgive me, and thanks in advance for helping me. i'm ready to be in my new place, closer to the community there. i'm pumped.
speaking of community, last night we had our first dinner for those hoping to 'do' community in the '05. i thought it went well... we had some yummy steaks and good conversation. it was great to look around and feel like i was part of a family here. i'm excited about what is going to take place. i'm also really excited because today was my last day of work at the daycare center.... onto babysitting in the '05! hopefully i won't regret this decision later......
speaking of community, last night we had our first dinner for those hoping to 'do' community in the '05. i thought it went well... we had some yummy steaks and good conversation. it was great to look around and feel like i was part of a family here. i'm excited about what is going to take place. i'm also really excited because today was my last day of work at the daycare center.... onto babysitting in the '05! hopefully i won't regret this decision later......
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sick List
I have been sick today... no fun! but it really is ok, because i've been reminded of all the things today that make being sick bearable. here's my list:
- ready-made progresso soup. i swear by these things. they are yummy, and i can eat them after not being able to eat for several hours. really, i'd be ok not eating right now, but i'm sort of weak, so i know i need to!
- people who are willing to bring me things-i called both beth and bekah and they brought me gatorade, saltines, and applesauce. these things are like a liferaft when your stomach just won't cooperate.
- getting a chance to rest. i know that being sick is not a great reason to rest, but apparently i needed something to get me to chill out. on that note, i've had time today to have some good catch-up conversations.
- breath mints and hot tea. did you know that breath mints help with nausea? it's true. i am never without them. and i don't drink hot tea a lot, but when you are woken at 5:30 in the morning by a violent tummy... i don't know of anything more comforting.
a couple other random notes: i move in less than a week! yay! i'm so pumped to be in my new place.
i saw the movie Jesus Camp on saturday night with peter, jackie, tawndee and jason. i will definitely be commenting on this viewing, because the level of disturbance it caused in my brain warrants an entry. but i'm still processing.
Friday, August 17, 2007
A Week in the Life of Maggie
My mind is a whirlwind these days! this is how it's been....
monday: go to work until 5. must finally go get something resembling groceries. go to lee and beth's to look at old things they don't want anymore. they have an ice cream maker that we can have, and that's pretty sweet.
tuesday: i plan on staying home to get packing done. however, meg calls to invite me to pray with their house, and seeing as how i've been wanting to pray with them for about a month (and because i seem to be completely unable to say no), i forefeit packing for the evening to go to lexington to pray. i'm glad i went. afterwards, i help rebecca get her car, then drive her car back. then i hang out for a few minutes with meg an jess, mostly because i don't want to go home.
wednesday: i work for 2 hours. then i go to a meeting about church planting where i have no idea what we're talking about, so i end up asking ridiculous questions, but am glad i'm there. then i go to church to pray. back to wilmore to work. back to lexington after work to hang out with the youth. later that night, i read an email from aaron about his thoughts on community. never ask me my thoughts on community if you don't want to hear a lot. so i write peter and aaron a book about all my thoughts, and now we have all these crazy ideas about doing community in the oh-5. crazy. between church planting and figuring out how to do life together and realizing that i need to move and start a new semester soon.... whoa! craziness. in the midst of this, i call chelsea to tell her she can live with us. and she seems very cool! i'm excited about this house of girls. it's gonna rock.
thursday: again, i think, "i'll have tonight to pack." i should just never plan anything. aaron calls me at 10 or so in the morning to ask if i can be at a meeting that night to talk about all our crazy plans for creating community. and i think, "i really need to be there." so i go. only, of course, after convincing him to change the meeting's location to coffee times. all is right with the world when coffee times is involved. i spend the rest of the day fighting off overhwhelming, swirling thoughts. again, glad i went to this meeting. i left feeling encouraged and excited about what we are trying to do. on the way home i realize i haven't seen my friend kathy in a really long time due mostly to moving and church stuff (and i still have a movie of hers), so i go visit her. she fed me watermelon, and then ginger came over. it was good. i then go home and try to be productive... i start working on a letter to some community members, and realize that my brain is a crazy place.
friday: work until 1. my sweet boss comes in and tells me i can leave early if i want, and i wanted. came home, took a nap, made phone calls, packed some stuff, called my mom. dinner later on 12th street.
tomorrow: i HAVE to pack my house. everything. must. get. done. please, someone call me to make sure i am doing this, because it's not done right now (and all before 4:30, because i'm going to the church picnic at 5!), and this place is not ready to go yet! =)
craziness. but in the best sense of that word.
monday: go to work until 5. must finally go get something resembling groceries. go to lee and beth's to look at old things they don't want anymore. they have an ice cream maker that we can have, and that's pretty sweet.
tuesday: i plan on staying home to get packing done. however, meg calls to invite me to pray with their house, and seeing as how i've been wanting to pray with them for about a month (and because i seem to be completely unable to say no), i forefeit packing for the evening to go to lexington to pray. i'm glad i went. afterwards, i help rebecca get her car, then drive her car back. then i hang out for a few minutes with meg an jess, mostly because i don't want to go home.
wednesday: i work for 2 hours. then i go to a meeting about church planting where i have no idea what we're talking about, so i end up asking ridiculous questions, but am glad i'm there. then i go to church to pray. back to wilmore to work. back to lexington after work to hang out with the youth. later that night, i read an email from aaron about his thoughts on community. never ask me my thoughts on community if you don't want to hear a lot. so i write peter and aaron a book about all my thoughts, and now we have all these crazy ideas about doing community in the oh-5. crazy. between church planting and figuring out how to do life together and realizing that i need to move and start a new semester soon.... whoa! craziness. in the midst of this, i call chelsea to tell her she can live with us. and she seems very cool! i'm excited about this house of girls. it's gonna rock.
thursday: again, i think, "i'll have tonight to pack." i should just never plan anything. aaron calls me at 10 or so in the morning to ask if i can be at a meeting that night to talk about all our crazy plans for creating community. and i think, "i really need to be there." so i go. only, of course, after convincing him to change the meeting's location to coffee times. all is right with the world when coffee times is involved. i spend the rest of the day fighting off overhwhelming, swirling thoughts. again, glad i went to this meeting. i left feeling encouraged and excited about what we are trying to do. on the way home i realize i haven't seen my friend kathy in a really long time due mostly to moving and church stuff (and i still have a movie of hers), so i go visit her. she fed me watermelon, and then ginger came over. it was good. i then go home and try to be productive... i start working on a letter to some community members, and realize that my brain is a crazy place.
friday: work until 1. my sweet boss comes in and tells me i can leave early if i want, and i wanted. came home, took a nap, made phone calls, packed some stuff, called my mom. dinner later on 12th street.
tomorrow: i HAVE to pack my house. everything. must. get. done. please, someone call me to make sure i am doing this, because it's not done right now (and all before 4:30, because i'm going to the church picnic at 5!), and this place is not ready to go yet! =)
craziness. but in the best sense of that word.
Monday, August 13, 2007
And then there were three
it's official... we've found a third roommate! and one who is excited about hospitality and living life together.
it's like God planned this all out or something.
it's like God planned this all out or something.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Random Notes of Interest
Random note #1:
I have been sad today, and i don't really know why. i tried to push myself into feeling ok all day, only to finalize with crying as i left the la roca community garden. and i feel silly. i'm sure there are multiple reasons for my heavy heart. but it's amazing what a visit from a friend can do at 11:00 at night. samantha webb rocks, plain and simple.
Random note #2:
we may have found a 3rd roommate (and maybe even a fourth!), and i'm so excited! if this works out, the little blue house on Highland Park will be the place to be.
Random note #3:
Having to wait 2 weeks to move is going to be a very difficult task! i definitely want to be living on Highland Park Drive right now. But patience is a virtue, i'm told, as is packing my belongings and cleaning my current house....i also realize that "finishing well" is as important as taking a first step of faith. i think it's definitely a lot harder. excitement can be troublesome sometimes.
Random note #4:
i had a crazy busy weekend. dinner with some fun folks on 12th street, measuring my new bedroom door (only to find that my beloved desk will not fit...sad!), pestering aaron, lunch with the jackster, shopping with a neighbor, church today, lunch with jackie and peter and kim, helping at the garden. whew! but it was good. it was nice to feel a part of my new soon-to-be home!
I have been sad today, and i don't really know why. i tried to push myself into feeling ok all day, only to finalize with crying as i left the la roca community garden. and i feel silly. i'm sure there are multiple reasons for my heavy heart. but it's amazing what a visit from a friend can do at 11:00 at night. samantha webb rocks, plain and simple.
Random note #2:
we may have found a 3rd roommate (and maybe even a fourth!), and i'm so excited! if this works out, the little blue house on Highland Park will be the place to be.
Random note #3:
Having to wait 2 weeks to move is going to be a very difficult task! i definitely want to be living on Highland Park Drive right now. But patience is a virtue, i'm told, as is packing my belongings and cleaning my current house....i also realize that "finishing well" is as important as taking a first step of faith. i think it's definitely a lot harder. excitement can be troublesome sometimes.
Random note #4:
i had a crazy busy weekend. dinner with some fun folks on 12th street, measuring my new bedroom door (only to find that my beloved desk will not fit...sad!), pestering aaron, lunch with the jackster, shopping with a neighbor, church today, lunch with jackie and peter and kim, helping at the garden. whew! but it was good. it was nice to feel a part of my new soon-to-be home!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Packing Books
i'm in a mood tonight. and not a good one. not sure why. maybe it's that i am dreading going to work tomorrow. or maybe i am tired. or overwhelmed. or maybe it's because i'm at that beginning stage of packing where i've gotten just enough done to feel slightly daunted by the task, and i realize it may be a lot easier and perhaps even more productive to accidentally start a fire in my apartment. however, after 2 weeks of staring at the disaster that is my apartment and dreading the thought of this process of packing, I have begun. I packed my first three boxes tonight. I started with the books... i realize that's always the easiest place to begin, and it really helps set the tone for the ever-dreaded task of loading up all my earthly possessions (and realizing how many unnecessary things i have), and propels me towards greater motivation. i can say i've been productive this evening, and that's a pretty nice feeling. it's funny, though, packing books. i love books. i like the thought of so many words, ideas, stories, thoughts in something i can hold in my hand. But will i really read these books again? why do i keep them? yet something keeps me from parting with them. staring at my books also reminds me of the many different parts of my life and personality, and maybe that's why i keep them. they're sort of representative of me, and they remind me in a weird way of who i am, where i've been, and where i'd like to someday go.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Into the Garden
The church I go to has started this community garden, and it's a very cool thing. La Roca is in the middle of downtown Lexington, and so i think it's pretty significant that certain people have had the vision to produce life in the midst of noise, cars and overly accessible junkfood. What an incredible sign of life and goodness!
This garden was started a few months ago, and i always thought it seemed like a cool idea. However, I'm a slacker. I hadn't even seen the garden until last week when i went to help pick some beans. For the past two Sunday nights, i've had the honor of getting to help pick beans, tomatoes, peppers, and okra. And it's been such a great experience to get sweaty, get my hands dirty, and to fellowship with other church members while working on this crazy little garden. And I've met people for the first time that i've gone to church with for almost two years now.
This has all caused me to think about the significance of this simple (yet very profound) project. Fellowship is being built as we work alongside each other. New life is being produced. Healthy food is being provided. These, to me, seem like intrinsically Biblical values, and it's exciting to see them getting played out every week. Of course, these are just a few of the positive things happening as a result of this garden... i know that there are so many more.
More than anything else, I realized last night how grateful I am that I go to a church that is investing its resources in things like planting gardens instead of spending money on a building. Getting our hands dirty together instead starting a new program. Working alongside our neighbors instead of pushing them aside. Our perceptions of 'church' have the tendency to get very skewed, and i'm realizing that this is what it's about. producing life-particularly where there was once death. La Roca is certainly far from perfect, but i love that i am part of a body of believers seeking out creative ways of embracing and loving people.
And i get the feeling that God is in the midst of doing some big, big things.
This garden was started a few months ago, and i always thought it seemed like a cool idea. However, I'm a slacker. I hadn't even seen the garden until last week when i went to help pick some beans. For the past two Sunday nights, i've had the honor of getting to help pick beans, tomatoes, peppers, and okra. And it's been such a great experience to get sweaty, get my hands dirty, and to fellowship with other church members while working on this crazy little garden. And I've met people for the first time that i've gone to church with for almost two years now.
This has all caused me to think about the significance of this simple (yet very profound) project. Fellowship is being built as we work alongside each other. New life is being produced. Healthy food is being provided. These, to me, seem like intrinsically Biblical values, and it's exciting to see them getting played out every week. Of course, these are just a few of the positive things happening as a result of this garden... i know that there are so many more.
More than anything else, I realized last night how grateful I am that I go to a church that is investing its resources in things like planting gardens instead of spending money on a building. Getting our hands dirty together instead starting a new program. Working alongside our neighbors instead of pushing them aside. Our perceptions of 'church' have the tendency to get very skewed, and i'm realizing that this is what it's about. producing life-particularly where there was once death. La Roca is certainly far from perfect, but i love that i am part of a body of believers seeking out creative ways of embracing and loving people.
And i get the feeling that God is in the midst of doing some big, big things.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Child of God or Child of the pigs?
The great thing about having a 3-month break from school is that I don't feel the need to rush through books that I am reading. I have been taking a long time to read through Return of the Prodigal Son, which is nothing short of bliss. I firmly believe it is one of the world's great tragedies to ever rush through anything Henri Nouwen had to say. With that said, here's a quote for your reading pleasure this bright Saturday morning:
"The younger son's return takes place in the very moment that he reclaims his sonship, even though he has lost all the dignity that belongs to it. In fact, it was the loss of everything that brought him to the bottom line of his identity. He hit the bedrock of his sonship. In retrospect, it seems that the prodigal had to lose everything to come into touch with the ground of his being. When he found himself desiring to be treated as one of the pigs, he realized that he was not a pig but a human being, a son of his father. This realization became the basis for his choice to live instead of to die. Once he had come again in touch with the truth of his sonship, he could hear-although faintly-the voice calling him the Beloved and feel-although distantly-the touch of blessing."
In diving deep into the story of the prodigal son, Henri Nouwen talks about the younger son's return and his willingness to be treated as one of the pigs, if only that could bring him into his father's presence. However, the father would never allow this.... he celebrates, he lavishes, he welcomes the son home with open, loving, strong embrace. Why? because the son is his child. It makes me think of all the times and of all the ways that I only allow myself to be treated as good as something less than a daughter of God. But that is indeed who i am-a daughter of God! I'm reminded that forgiveness is ALWAYS there to be received, but we must be willing to receive it. God longs to celebrate with us, hold us, party with us, remind us of our worth. But something has happened. We tend to say that this forgiveness certainly can't be true, and so we imprison ourselves in holding onto shame and guilt, thinking we're only as good as the pigs. God's not the one imprisoning us-He is freeing us.
It's been good this week to remember this-that God has good planned for His children. I think i've lived most of life believing that for something to be right, it has to be hard. And sometimes that might be true... but God also has joy in mind for His church! God longs for us to lavish in His presence, to enjoy the fellowship of all of His children. God has good planned, and yesterday was a great reminder of that. I can choose to live as less than a child of God, or I can choose to rise from sin and accept forgiveness and walk with God, and remember that before anything else...I am a child of God.
God is providing for me right now in so many clear and amazing ways. It is so easy to think, "no. i don't deserve this. this can't be right." and i don't deserve it, yet i am so loved in spite of that! And so-i am living in gratitude for: a new house (by the way, one with a PORCH!!), a roommate, a great community around me, people who encourage me, a church that is far from perfect but is certainly trying, God's grace and provision, ministry opportunities.
"The younger son's return takes place in the very moment that he reclaims his sonship, even though he has lost all the dignity that belongs to it. In fact, it was the loss of everything that brought him to the bottom line of his identity. He hit the bedrock of his sonship. In retrospect, it seems that the prodigal had to lose everything to come into touch with the ground of his being. When he found himself desiring to be treated as one of the pigs, he realized that he was not a pig but a human being, a son of his father. This realization became the basis for his choice to live instead of to die. Once he had come again in touch with the truth of his sonship, he could hear-although faintly-the voice calling him the Beloved and feel-although distantly-the touch of blessing."
In diving deep into the story of the prodigal son, Henri Nouwen talks about the younger son's return and his willingness to be treated as one of the pigs, if only that could bring him into his father's presence. However, the father would never allow this.... he celebrates, he lavishes, he welcomes the son home with open, loving, strong embrace. Why? because the son is his child. It makes me think of all the times and of all the ways that I only allow myself to be treated as good as something less than a daughter of God. But that is indeed who i am-a daughter of God! I'm reminded that forgiveness is ALWAYS there to be received, but we must be willing to receive it. God longs to celebrate with us, hold us, party with us, remind us of our worth. But something has happened. We tend to say that this forgiveness certainly can't be true, and so we imprison ourselves in holding onto shame and guilt, thinking we're only as good as the pigs. God's not the one imprisoning us-He is freeing us.
It's been good this week to remember this-that God has good planned for His children. I think i've lived most of life believing that for something to be right, it has to be hard. And sometimes that might be true... but God also has joy in mind for His church! God longs for us to lavish in His presence, to enjoy the fellowship of all of His children. God has good planned, and yesterday was a great reminder of that. I can choose to live as less than a child of God, or I can choose to rise from sin and accept forgiveness and walk with God, and remember that before anything else...I am a child of God.
God is providing for me right now in so many clear and amazing ways. It is so easy to think, "no. i don't deserve this. this can't be right." and i don't deserve it, yet i am so loved in spite of that! And so-i am living in gratitude for: a new house (by the way, one with a PORCH!!), a roommate, a great community around me, people who encourage me, a church that is far from perfect but is certainly trying, God's grace and provision, ministry opportunities.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Late Night Confessions
It is 1:00 in the morning, and I cannot sleep. In fact, I've had trouble sleeping all week. I sometimes have weeks like this, and it stinks because I go through my day exhausted. Last night it was mostly due to the fact that there were three college age guys who decided, at about 11 at night, to stand in the parking lot of my apartment building (just below my bedroom window), and play guitar, drink beer, and talk in not-so-quiet voices. If i had any confidence, I would have gone out there and asked them to be quiet. but i'm a wimp, so i stayed up and stayed annoyed. and now i sound like an old woman. but i digress.
the real reason for my insomnia. life is changing before my very eyes, and it's causing many unsettling thoughts. i am moving in a month. i realize this shouldn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's big inside my head (and yes, i tend to overreact, but surely that is no suprise to anyone who knows me!). there are several reasons this is big. i am no stranger to moving to new abodes... this will be my fourth place since i've moved to kentucky, which was not even two years ago. however, this move is of significance for a few reasons. one, it's the first time i have had to find a place, sign a lease, make decisions, ask wise questions. i realize this is ridiculous since i'm 29, but i've just always had the good fortune to move in with others. learning how to be an adult stinks sometimes.
another reason this is slightly overwhelming me. i'm not just living somewhere to live. i'm moving to this particular locale in order to attempt to engage with the neighborhood and with folks from the church who already live there, some of whom i have a great deal of respect for. and i realize that this scares me. what if i disappoint them? i know that they love me now, but will they still love me when they see the real me? sometimes i feel like the real me is not that great... let's face it... i can be lazy, seflish, and i pick who i want to love. i realized tonight my fears of really allowing others to see the not-so-great parts of my personality. There are people who are extremely excited about me moving into this neighborhood, and i've realized that i don't understand why. i don't feel like i have a lot to give. i feel like i fake it sometimes....
and maybe that's why this move is a really great thing. maybe it's that i need to really understand that there are people who love me for all the parts of me, good and bad. and that i need to understand that God loves all those parts of me.
It reminds me of what Henri Nouwen talks about in Return of the Prodigal Son. He proposes that when we do not understand our Belovedness, when we do not understand that we are completely loved by and cherished by God, we act in certain ways. I'm realizing that for me, it's a whole lot of fear. Fear that people will leave or will be disappointed when they see the real me.
I tend to beat myself up for not intrinsically being who I want to be. For needing to be around others in order to feel motivated to serve, to love, to produce. Sometimes that feels like i am doing things only for others, but maybe it's also about others encouraging us to be the best versions of ourselves.
the real reason for my insomnia. life is changing before my very eyes, and it's causing many unsettling thoughts. i am moving in a month. i realize this shouldn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's big inside my head (and yes, i tend to overreact, but surely that is no suprise to anyone who knows me!). there are several reasons this is big. i am no stranger to moving to new abodes... this will be my fourth place since i've moved to kentucky, which was not even two years ago. however, this move is of significance for a few reasons. one, it's the first time i have had to find a place, sign a lease, make decisions, ask wise questions. i realize this is ridiculous since i'm 29, but i've just always had the good fortune to move in with others. learning how to be an adult stinks sometimes.
another reason this is slightly overwhelming me. i'm not just living somewhere to live. i'm moving to this particular locale in order to attempt to engage with the neighborhood and with folks from the church who already live there, some of whom i have a great deal of respect for. and i realize that this scares me. what if i disappoint them? i know that they love me now, but will they still love me when they see the real me? sometimes i feel like the real me is not that great... let's face it... i can be lazy, seflish, and i pick who i want to love. i realized tonight my fears of really allowing others to see the not-so-great parts of my personality. There are people who are extremely excited about me moving into this neighborhood, and i've realized that i don't understand why. i don't feel like i have a lot to give. i feel like i fake it sometimes....
and maybe that's why this move is a really great thing. maybe it's that i need to really understand that there are people who love me for all the parts of me, good and bad. and that i need to understand that God loves all those parts of me.
It reminds me of what Henri Nouwen talks about in Return of the Prodigal Son. He proposes that when we do not understand our Belovedness, when we do not understand that we are completely loved by and cherished by God, we act in certain ways. I'm realizing that for me, it's a whole lot of fear. Fear that people will leave or will be disappointed when they see the real me.
I tend to beat myself up for not intrinsically being who I want to be. For needing to be around others in order to feel motivated to serve, to love, to produce. Sometimes that feels like i am doing things only for others, but maybe it's also about others encouraging us to be the best versions of ourselves.
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