Just Have Faith!

i've been thinking a lot recently about what it means to 'have' faith. we talk about faith and the Christian experience in very possessive terms, and i wonder if this is correct. perhaps in some ways it is. but if we're not careful, our faith becomes only about 'me,' and how i feel, what i feel God calling me to do, and we forget to think about others in relationship to faith. and that's funny... because the whole nature of who Jesus was had to do with self-sacrifice, and of serving others. He was brought into this world and left it in the must humble ways possible...humility for the sake of humanity. and so i struggle with some notions of what 'having faith' means. For instance, a phrase that is commonly used in evangelism is "accepting" or "receiving" Jesus. i really don't like these terms, mostly because i don't really know what that means. it sort of conjures up this image of God as a magic pill, and i think that's extremely dangerous territory to be walking on. it also leads to the notion that God is to be molded to us, instead of vice versa. shouldn't our language be more about deciding to follow our Creator, instead of Him following us? just a thought.



i'm reading through Hosea with my sunday school class. as we read through hosea 1, we started talking about the notion that the Lord was asking Hosea to do some pretty ridiculous things. Marry a prostitute, love her, name the kids after things like 'vengeance' and 'not my people.' (i'm wondering what my brother is going to name my nephew... i really hope those aren't on the list...). one conversation we had last week stuck with me... that God was not speaking to Hosea for Hosea's benefit, but for the benefit of the people of Israel. God is about the edification of the Church, and not just me. how does this play out as we live our lives in a society that tells us to think about me, and me alone? even in our lives of faith, i think it's still an easy temptation to think about what God wants me to do, instead of how my actions will affect the whole.

Ebb and Flow

It has been difficult for me to think of things to write about as of late, and I'm not sure why. I normally enjoy the process of getting to write, to share, to think about myself and the things that happen around me. but it's been difficult these past few months. i guess some seasons are just like that...

i'm in a strange season of life. in the next few months, i will graduate from seminary, turn 30, and become an aunt. in some ways, it is surreal that all three of these things will be taking place. on graduating from seminary: i struggled a bit in high school, and in some ways wrestled with just feeling ordinary. i think, at the back of my mind, i wondered if i would be able to even graduate from college. it was difficult to view myself as a leader, or as someone who had important things to say. however, there's a rumbling and a passion in my soul that is real, many times undefined. and here i stand. in addition, seminary has been.... hmmm. i don't know the word for it. i arrived at asbury a very broken person, hurt and wounded, and a lot of healing has taken place. it's strange for this journey to be almost over.
on turning 30: personally, i would like to know why this birthday is normally such a big deal. i think it's definitely cultural. perhaps it helps that most people still think i'm 23, and i have yet to meet someone who isn't shocked when i tell them my actual age. i don't know that anything will actually change in me, but it's strange to think back to when i was younger, and realizing that 30 sounded mature, settled, "adult." i think i thought i would be married by this point, have a career, be "figured out." maybe i'll never be completely figured out, but maybe parts of me will. i have a feeling that i'll always be young at heart, and i'll always giggle. at least, i hope that i will always be like that.
on becoming an aunt: i don't know how to articulate how excited i am about this. first of all, my brother is one of the people i love most in this world, and i love that he is having a child (it's taken a while for him and his wife), and i know he'll be the world's greatest dad. i'm excited to see him as a parent. and i'm around kids so much... i'm really pumped to be around someone that is in some way part of me, part of my bloodline, not just someone else's kid. it's surreal in some ways, but i am so excited to meet my nephew. i've been praying for him and i can't wait for him to make his entrance into this world.

i guess it makes sense that i haven't known what to write about... those are a lot of things happening at once. i suppose it's hard to adequately process a few life changes all at the same time.

For Laura

I wasn't really under the impression that anyone still read this, but I was proven wrong the other night, and Laura tells me it's time to update. and she's right.

Normally I try to update much more frequently than I have been, but for some reason, i've had major writer's block regarding this puppy. not that i haven't had a lot on my mind or lots going on, because i have, but i think it's been hard, recently, to process through all that's going on. so we'll see what comes out here.

Recent Snippets

today was a crazy day. CRAZY. and because this is a public forum, i don't feel like it would be right to go into all the details since the craziness involves others. as insane as tonight was, i was humbled and honored that i was able to serve and be with some dear friends during a moment of crisis.

it's hard to articulate all that's been on my mind as of late... no big things, but many small things simmering in my mind and attempting to put words to those things feels trite, so i won't. however, i will share that i'm where i'm supposed to be.

i think it took me about a semester to settle into my niche and my groove of living in the '05. i think i finally feel comfortable, i am finally able to internalize that there are some people here who love me and are very much so family for me. there are many, many moments where i am frustrated and mad, and many others where i know that this is what God has for me right now. and as i think about the future, this whole graduation deal, i realize that i'm pretty sure that God is calling me to stay in lexington after may. i could be very wrong, but it doesn't feel like it's time to leave. i feel like i've just gotten settled here, and that there are many roots to still dig down deep here. i'm starting to figure out what it means to welcome people into my house, to show hospitality. i'm starting to understand the unique things that i bring to the table. i'm re-learning how to see God and how it is He desires for me to live this life and treat other people. i'm learning...

one day, a few weeks back, i was hanging out with laura and jason. we were lamenting about various stresses, but then all of a sudden the tone of our conversation shifted. we started to realize that our life is pretty good. we've got this incredible group of people around us, and we get to be involved in the lives of some pretty colorful people on a regular basis. i eventually said, "you know, our life is really pretty cool at the moment. as stressful as it is, this is a pretty good deal." i eat dinner with other people most nights of the week, i pray and talk about scripture with several different people, i get to laugh a lot, i have the joy of journeying with an incredibly diverse group of folks.

not bad at all.

Advent 2: What's in a name?

I have decided to start reading through the book of Matthew, mostly so that I can wrap my mind around the meaning of the incarnation this Christmas season. I was reading the first chapter of Matthew today, and I was struck by a thought.

23 “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”

This verse is a reference to the prophecy in Isaiah... and i'm stunned that i haven't thought deeply about this before. The text doesn't really give Mary and Joseph's reaction to the statement "God is with us," but I'm wondering about how incredible that had to be. After generations of being promised a Messiah to save them, they are now being told that one is coming, and this one is God. All of their hopes are realized... how beautiful! This is the very thing they have been waiting for... for years and years and years! This is what their culture has been waiting for.... and all in one statement.... all in one definition of a name... they are told that God would finally be personally with them. He had not abandoned them... He would be with them. Was it hope that this evoked? Fear? A newfound hope? Excitement? And add to the fact that God would be personally with them that He would come through a common girl through an impossible conception.

Rejoice, community, for God is with us.

Advent

This morning in church we sang one of my favorite Christmas songs... actually, it's more of an 'advent' songs, but still, i love it. It reminds me of the power of waiting and listening for God, of standing in faith that He is coming, that He will redeem. It is a song of knowing that even when life looks its bleakest, hope is waiting. It is a song that reminds me that the powers of sin and destruction do not have the last word... the power of the Cross is the final reality for those of us who believe... and this waiting in anticipation is what advent holds for us. May you be blessed as you wait on the active power of God this advent season!

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel,And ransom captive Israel,That mourns in lonely exile hereUntil the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,Who orderest all things mightily;To us the path of knowledge show,And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, freeThine own from Satan’s tyranny;From depths of hell Thy people save,And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheerOur spirits by Thine advent here;Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,And open wide our heavenly home;Make safe the way that leads on high,And close the path to misery.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s heightIn ancient times once gave the lawIn cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,An ensign of Thy people be;Before Thee rulers silent fall;All peoples on Thy mercy call.

O come, Desire of nations, bindIn one the hearts of all mankind;Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,And be Thyself our King of Peace.

They're not joking, folks

Do you ever notice those signs in parking lots that say, "only patrons of this business may park here... all others towed at owner's expense?" do you ever wonder if those signs are serious?

may all your wondering days be ever. they are, indeed, serious. need i say more about how i spent my morning?

sigh.

Snapshots

I have been thinking about a lot of things these past few weeks, so this post will be a random collection of snapshots from my brain.

This semester has provided me with a lot of things to process through. It hasn't been my most difficult academically, but emotionally, there's been a lot to deal with. But in a good way. Some things from my past have re-surfaced, and God is showing me new ways of processing these things. It is amazing to me the people that God has brought into my life to help me see myself a little more objectively.... from good friends to professors to a community. There's been a lot of pruning that i'm in the midst of, and i feel like i am seeing the deep love of God in the midst of it all. In the middle of this, I had a professor suggest to me that I am afraid of my own sadness of some areas of my past, but that allowing myself to mourn the areas I need to mourn may actually provide healing from past wounds. I think he might be on to something.

In Doctrine we've been talking a lot about being under the power of the blood of Christ... that this is the power to save us. Those of us who profess faith in Christ, and in His life, death and resurrection no longer have to feel shame. I have been so reminded this week of this power... that I am empowered to leave all those areas where I feel shame, as the power in my life is no longer hiding behind sin, but in the wings of the Father, under the power of the resurrection of Jesus. Shame does a lot of terrible things to us, and this is most certainly not where God desires for His children to live.

This is the first year i've put up a Christmas tree in my house, and i'm so excited about it! I think that part of it is that this is the first time that i've felt like this is my house. We decorated the other night, and i like our little (and i do mean little) tree. It was fun to be festive. you can see pictures of the silliness on my facebook page.

Speaking of Christmas, this has been a good semester in terms of really, truly thinking about the power and the beauty of the incarnation. That's why i both love and hate this season. I love it because it's such an incredible reminder of God's power and God's love for His people. I hate it because of all the ways that the Christ message gets messed up in our culture. I pray that I am not a vehicle for messing it up.....may we live into the beauty that is the message of the hope of Christ coming into this world.