Sunday, March 30, 2008

Ebb and Flow

It has been difficult for me to think of things to write about as of late, and I'm not sure why. I normally enjoy the process of getting to write, to share, to think about myself and the things that happen around me. but it's been difficult these past few months. i guess some seasons are just like that...

i'm in a strange season of life. in the next few months, i will graduate from seminary, turn 30, and become an aunt. in some ways, it is surreal that all three of these things will be taking place. on graduating from seminary: i struggled a bit in high school, and in some ways wrestled with just feeling ordinary. i think, at the back of my mind, i wondered if i would be able to even graduate from college. it was difficult to view myself as a leader, or as someone who had important things to say. however, there's a rumbling and a passion in my soul that is real, many times undefined. and here i stand. in addition, seminary has been.... hmmm. i don't know the word for it. i arrived at asbury a very broken person, hurt and wounded, and a lot of healing has taken place. it's strange for this journey to be almost over.
on turning 30: personally, i would like to know why this birthday is normally such a big deal. i think it's definitely cultural. perhaps it helps that most people still think i'm 23, and i have yet to meet someone who isn't shocked when i tell them my actual age. i don't know that anything will actually change in me, but it's strange to think back to when i was younger, and realizing that 30 sounded mature, settled, "adult." i think i thought i would be married by this point, have a career, be "figured out." maybe i'll never be completely figured out, but maybe parts of me will. i have a feeling that i'll always be young at heart, and i'll always giggle. at least, i hope that i will always be like that.
on becoming an aunt: i don't know how to articulate how excited i am about this. first of all, my brother is one of the people i love most in this world, and i love that he is having a child (it's taken a while for him and his wife), and i know he'll be the world's greatest dad. i'm excited to see him as a parent. and i'm around kids so much... i'm really pumped to be around someone that is in some way part of me, part of my bloodline, not just someone else's kid. it's surreal in some ways, but i am so excited to meet my nephew. i've been praying for him and i can't wait for him to make his entrance into this world.

i guess it makes sense that i haven't known what to write about... those are a lot of things happening at once. i suppose it's hard to adequately process a few life changes all at the same time.