Demands

I once had a mentor (my Mission Year city director, Josh) who would constantly remind us to have "open-handed hopes" versus "close-fisted expectations." I have been reminded of this a lot in the past several days. I find that I often have expectations of how things should be-how people should respond-how people should relate-how I should respond-etc, etc, etc. It never, ever works out like it does in my head.... In fact, I find that I live inside my head a lot. Almost fantasy world of sorts--perhaps a way to escape from reality? maybe. and then i come face to face with unmet expectations, and that can be crushing.

Over Christmas break I have been blessed with people who care about me, financial provision, a family who cares about me, friends who have called, circumstances working out, and yet I have still managed to find room to complain. It's because of expectations. And when i've got these close-fisted expectations, there's not a whole lot of room for the beauty of hope to unfold. I feel like a small child whose parent is slowly releasing that furled up fist. i'm trying to learn how release, to dance with joy what life offers me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own expectations of how life should be that i experience the frustration that quickly leads to resentment. I resent others, resent relationships, resent myself. And i know that this is not the life God desires for me to live-because there is no freedom in this. God is showing me how to live in freedom, with open-handed hopes, learning to be surprised by Him... instead of demanding that I am taken care of in a certain way, in a certain time.

Praying to be surprised by joy,
maggie

Wedding Dresses, Checks, and God's goodness

i'm in st. louis now for the holidays, and i've only been here for a couple of days so far, although it's felt longer than that. not because it's been bad, but just because it's been packed with lots of great things!

yesterday was a looong day. i went wedding dress shopping with my cousin. it was fun... but sort of an intense few hours. i was really, really glad i got to go... and it was just a sweet thing to be there the moment she found the dress she'll be wearing at the moment she commits to her husband (who i am a big fan of!). so that was pretty cool, but exhausting. then i came home, chilled with the parentals, then spent some time with one of my favorite people in the world... my best friend sarah. of course, by this time i was completely tired and out of it and about to drop. sorry, sarah. but it was great to see her.

then i went to church today, which was atypical, for a few reasons. the first reason is that next sunday will be the last sunday my home church, the church i attended since i was 5 years old, will have open doors. this church has been slowly dwindling and dying for a long time, and they've decided to call it quits. kind of bittersweet. it's not a church where i am incredibly spiritually fed... but there are people there who love me very deeply and who have known me since i was a young brat. the other reason that today was strange was that the church gave me a quite sizeable donation for helping me to pay off school loans. it was unexpected, sweet, and nothing short of God reminding me of His love and provision for me.

so that's what i've done so far over my break, but i feel God doing something great in me right now, something that is hard to articulate. I've been attempting to really be committed to prayer, and asking God to put in me a spirit of awe of His presence. I also feel like God is reminding me that He is desiring a greater level intimacy with me-that He longs to be more than just a provider, or a back-up plan. He longs to dance with me and to be the closest thing to me. I was reading the book of Hosea last week, and was hit hard with this message of intimacy with God, and have been pondering a lot about what this means. it's been good.

it's been one of those weeks where God is reminding me gently and clearly that He is faithful, that He is real, that He is quite active.

blessings to all who may come upon this for an incredible Christmas day! may you know the heighth and depth and breadth of Christ's love for you today!

movin' on up

in a moment of boredom many months ago, i originally created this blog to post a quote of the day. yes, i realize that's sort of a waste of time when i already had another blog. however, i have come to realize that i actually like blogger better than xanga, so this shall be my new posting site! in honor of this new site, here are fun facts about me:

1. one of the things i love most in the world is wearing a great pair of fuzzy and fun socks.
2. i have never had chicken pox.
3. i am originally from st. louis, MO, but was born in nashville, TN. i have also lived in california, jackson, Tn, Georgia and Kentucky.
4. my favorite place as a kid was southern alabama. i use to visit my relatives there and would go to this little town called enterprise. i loved it. mostly because i got to go to camp and go swimming and do fun kid stuff all summer.
5. i do not know how to dive.
6. i hate banannas.
7. i have no food allergies.
8. i LOVE hot chocolate!
9. since high school, i have been a day care worker, receptionist, christmas present wrapper, preschool teacher, youth intern, youth director, day camp director, babysitter/nanny, retail worker, summer intern coordinator, and after-school teacher.
10. i graduated from high school in st. louis, MO in 1997 and from college in TN in 2001.
11. I am currently in seminary and will get my master of arts in Christian ministries with an emphasis in congregational care. i feel as though that is an absurdly long title for a relatively simple degree.
12. i la-la-la-LOVE mashed potatoes.
13. i have one older brother. his name is randall and he's an actor. he lives in new york city and i love visiting him there!
14. i love children's books.
15. once, as a young child, when asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, i replied, "a microphone." i don't remember this incident, but was reminded of this comment quite frequently. i don't really know what this comment says about me.
16. i love middle school girls. especially the ones who get left out.
17. i love watching old sitcoms. one of my favorites is the cosby show, and i love watching old re-runs of it.
18. I think that the best movie i saw this year was Little Miss Sunshine-hilarious!
19. I waste time watching tv. namely-the office, grey's anatomy, and gilmore girls. this is probably not a great vice, but it happens.
20. i like to feel smart. this doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, i get excited.