I wasn't really under the impression that anyone still read this, but I was proven wrong the other night, and Laura tells me it's time to update. and she's right.
Normally I try to update much more frequently than I have been, but for some reason, i've had major writer's block regarding this puppy. not that i haven't had a lot on my mind or lots going on, because i have, but i think it's been hard, recently, to process through all that's going on. so we'll see what comes out here.
Recent Snippets
today was a crazy day. CRAZY. and because this is a public forum, i don't feel like it would be right to go into all the details since the craziness involves others. as insane as tonight was, i was humbled and honored that i was able to serve and be with some dear friends during a moment of crisis.
it's hard to articulate all that's been on my mind as of late... no big things, but many small things simmering in my mind and attempting to put words to those things feels trite, so i won't. however, i will share that i'm where i'm supposed to be.
i think it took me about a semester to settle into my niche and my groove of living in the '05. i think i finally feel comfortable, i am finally able to internalize that there are some people here who love me and are very much so family for me. there are many, many moments where i am frustrated and mad, and many others where i know that this is what God has for me right now. and as i think about the future, this whole graduation deal, i realize that i'm pretty sure that God is calling me to stay in lexington after may. i could be very wrong, but it doesn't feel like it's time to leave. i feel like i've just gotten settled here, and that there are many roots to still dig down deep here. i'm starting to figure out what it means to welcome people into my house, to show hospitality. i'm starting to understand the unique things that i bring to the table. i'm re-learning how to see God and how it is He desires for me to live this life and treat other people. i'm learning...
one day, a few weeks back, i was hanging out with laura and jason. we were lamenting about various stresses, but then all of a sudden the tone of our conversation shifted. we started to realize that our life is pretty good. we've got this incredible group of people around us, and we get to be involved in the lives of some pretty colorful people on a regular basis. i eventually said, "you know, our life is really pretty cool at the moment. as stressful as it is, this is a pretty good deal." i eat dinner with other people most nights of the week, i pray and talk about scripture with several different people, i get to laugh a lot, i have the joy of journeying with an incredibly diverse group of folks.
not bad at all.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Advent 2: What's in a name?
I have decided to start reading through the book of Matthew, mostly so that I can wrap my mind around the meaning of the incarnation this Christmas season. I was reading the first chapter of Matthew today, and I was struck by a thought.
23 “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”
This verse is a reference to the prophecy in Isaiah... and i'm stunned that i haven't thought deeply about this before. The text doesn't really give Mary and Joseph's reaction to the statement "God is with us," but I'm wondering about how incredible that had to be. After generations of being promised a Messiah to save them, they are now being told that one is coming, and this one is God. All of their hopes are realized... how beautiful! This is the very thing they have been waiting for... for years and years and years! This is what their culture has been waiting for.... and all in one statement.... all in one definition of a name... they are told that God would finally be personally with them. He had not abandoned them... He would be with them. Was it hope that this evoked? Fear? A newfound hope? Excitement? And add to the fact that God would be personally with them that He would come through a common girl through an impossible conception.
Rejoice, community, for God is with us.
23 “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”
This verse is a reference to the prophecy in Isaiah... and i'm stunned that i haven't thought deeply about this before. The text doesn't really give Mary and Joseph's reaction to the statement "God is with us," but I'm wondering about how incredible that had to be. After generations of being promised a Messiah to save them, they are now being told that one is coming, and this one is God. All of their hopes are realized... how beautiful! This is the very thing they have been waiting for... for years and years and years! This is what their culture has been waiting for.... and all in one statement.... all in one definition of a name... they are told that God would finally be personally with them. He had not abandoned them... He would be with them. Was it hope that this evoked? Fear? A newfound hope? Excitement? And add to the fact that God would be personally with them that He would come through a common girl through an impossible conception.
Rejoice, community, for God is with us.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Advent
This morning in church we sang one of my favorite Christmas songs... actually, it's more of an 'advent' songs, but still, i love it. It reminds me of the power of waiting and listening for God, of standing in faith that He is coming, that He will redeem. It is a song of knowing that even when life looks its bleakest, hope is waiting. It is a song that reminds me that the powers of sin and destruction do not have the last word... the power of the Cross is the final reality for those of us who believe... and this waiting in anticipation is what advent holds for us. May you be blessed as you wait on the active power of God this advent season!
O Come, O Come Emmanuel
O come, O come, Emmanuel,And ransom captive Israel,That mourns in lonely exile hereUntil the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,Who orderest all things mightily;To us the path of knowledge show,And teach us in her ways to go.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, freeThine own from Satan’s tyranny;From depths of hell Thy people save,And give them victory over the grave.
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheerOur spirits by Thine advent here;Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
O come, Thou Key of David, come,And open wide our heavenly home;Make safe the way that leads on high,And close the path to misery.
O come, O come, great Lord of might,Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s heightIn ancient times once gave the lawIn cloud and majesty and awe.
O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,An ensign of Thy people be;Before Thee rulers silent fall;All peoples on Thy mercy call.
O come, Desire of nations, bindIn one the hearts of all mankind;Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,And be Thyself our King of Peace.
O Come, O Come Emmanuel
O come, O come, Emmanuel,And ransom captive Israel,That mourns in lonely exile hereUntil the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,Who orderest all things mightily;To us the path of knowledge show,And teach us in her ways to go.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, freeThine own from Satan’s tyranny;From depths of hell Thy people save,And give them victory over the grave.
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheerOur spirits by Thine advent here;Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
O come, Thou Key of David, come,And open wide our heavenly home;Make safe the way that leads on high,And close the path to misery.
O come, O come, great Lord of might,Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s heightIn ancient times once gave the lawIn cloud and majesty and awe.
O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,An ensign of Thy people be;Before Thee rulers silent fall;All peoples on Thy mercy call.
O come, Desire of nations, bindIn one the hearts of all mankind;Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,And be Thyself our King of Peace.
Friday, December 07, 2007
They're not joking, folks
Do you ever notice those signs in parking lots that say, "only patrons of this business may park here... all others towed at owner's expense?" do you ever wonder if those signs are serious?
may all your wondering days be ever. they are, indeed, serious. need i say more about how i spent my morning?
sigh.
may all your wondering days be ever. they are, indeed, serious. need i say more about how i spent my morning?
sigh.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Snapshots
I have been thinking about a lot of things these past few weeks, so this post will be a random collection of snapshots from my brain.
This semester has provided me with a lot of things to process through. It hasn't been my most difficult academically, but emotionally, there's been a lot to deal with. But in a good way. Some things from my past have re-surfaced, and God is showing me new ways of processing these things. It is amazing to me the people that God has brought into my life to help me see myself a little more objectively.... from good friends to professors to a community. There's been a lot of pruning that i'm in the midst of, and i feel like i am seeing the deep love of God in the midst of it all. In the middle of this, I had a professor suggest to me that I am afraid of my own sadness of some areas of my past, but that allowing myself to mourn the areas I need to mourn may actually provide healing from past wounds. I think he might be on to something.
In Doctrine we've been talking a lot about being under the power of the blood of Christ... that this is the power to save us. Those of us who profess faith in Christ, and in His life, death and resurrection no longer have to feel shame. I have been so reminded this week of this power... that I am empowered to leave all those areas where I feel shame, as the power in my life is no longer hiding behind sin, but in the wings of the Father, under the power of the resurrection of Jesus. Shame does a lot of terrible things to us, and this is most certainly not where God desires for His children to live.
This is the first year i've put up a Christmas tree in my house, and i'm so excited about it! I think that part of it is that this is the first time that i've felt like this is my house. We decorated the other night, and i like our little (and i do mean little) tree. It was fun to be festive. you can see pictures of the silliness on my facebook page.
Speaking of Christmas, this has been a good semester in terms of really, truly thinking about the power and the beauty of the incarnation. That's why i both love and hate this season. I love it because it's such an incredible reminder of God's power and God's love for His people. I hate it because of all the ways that the Christ message gets messed up in our culture. I pray that I am not a vehicle for messing it up.....may we live into the beauty that is the message of the hope of Christ coming into this world.
This semester has provided me with a lot of things to process through. It hasn't been my most difficult academically, but emotionally, there's been a lot to deal with. But in a good way. Some things from my past have re-surfaced, and God is showing me new ways of processing these things. It is amazing to me the people that God has brought into my life to help me see myself a little more objectively.... from good friends to professors to a community. There's been a lot of pruning that i'm in the midst of, and i feel like i am seeing the deep love of God in the midst of it all. In the middle of this, I had a professor suggest to me that I am afraid of my own sadness of some areas of my past, but that allowing myself to mourn the areas I need to mourn may actually provide healing from past wounds. I think he might be on to something.
In Doctrine we've been talking a lot about being under the power of the blood of Christ... that this is the power to save us. Those of us who profess faith in Christ, and in His life, death and resurrection no longer have to feel shame. I have been so reminded this week of this power... that I am empowered to leave all those areas where I feel shame, as the power in my life is no longer hiding behind sin, but in the wings of the Father, under the power of the resurrection of Jesus. Shame does a lot of terrible things to us, and this is most certainly not where God desires for His children to live.
This is the first year i've put up a Christmas tree in my house, and i'm so excited about it! I think that part of it is that this is the first time that i've felt like this is my house. We decorated the other night, and i like our little (and i do mean little) tree. It was fun to be festive. you can see pictures of the silliness on my facebook page.
Speaking of Christmas, this has been a good semester in terms of really, truly thinking about the power and the beauty of the incarnation. That's why i both love and hate this season. I love it because it's such an incredible reminder of God's power and God's love for His people. I hate it because of all the ways that the Christ message gets messed up in our culture. I pray that I am not a vehicle for messing it up.....may we live into the beauty that is the message of the hope of Christ coming into this world.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Gratitude
The past few weeks were probably my most school work-heavy of the semester, which certainly aided in feeling slightly burdened. Paired with a few other stressful things going on, it's been crazy. But not impossible. when I am feeling like this, i realize the importance and power of gratitude and of simply remembering that I am not in control. Power and control... it's funny. i want those things and i don't want them at the same time. i don't want to have to make the hard decisions, but i want to influence people, and i long to be important to others. My guess is that this is part of the human condition... learning that power feels nice, but it can be incredibly destructive and soul-eating, and that power ultimately belongs to God. I've been reminded this week of the need to just be willing to submit, to lay down my need for "knowing" at the foot of the cross. I'm reminded over and over again that the beginning of humility is gratitude, and so i like to occassionally reflect on why it is that I'm thankful to God. Here is my latest prayer of gratitude, written a couple of weeks ago....
Help me to understand how You are active in my life-help me to recognize Your love for me..help me to never pass it up or ignore the power of Your love and sacrifice! and today, i also thank you for...your death on the cross-for a Church family-for friends who are near-for my own family-for the ability to read and think-for the power of encouragement-for provision-for constructive criticism-for allowing me to learn-for games-for laughter-for prayer-for children-for the beauty of fall colors-for so many who care for me-for the journey you've given me-for growth-for tears-for hugs-for Your Word-for the ability to talk and think-for sleep-for feelings-for love-for passion-for warm blankets-for silence-for music-for sunshine-for mountains-for words-for warm sweatshirts-for community-for being able to join with You in communion-for the power and beauty of the incarnation-for Your ultimate sacrifice-for taking on the powers of death and hell so that i might have life-for medicine-for epiphanies-for soup-for warm socks-for being able to snuggle in a warm blanket-for the beauty of joining with other souls-for chocolate-for candles-for baseball.
Thank You for life. Thank You for You. You are life.
Amen.
Help me to understand how You are active in my life-help me to recognize Your love for me..help me to never pass it up or ignore the power of Your love and sacrifice! and today, i also thank you for...your death on the cross-for a Church family-for friends who are near-for my own family-for the ability to read and think-for the power of encouragement-for provision-for constructive criticism-for allowing me to learn-for games-for laughter-for prayer-for children-for the beauty of fall colors-for so many who care for me-for the journey you've given me-for growth-for tears-for hugs-for Your Word-for the ability to talk and think-for sleep-for feelings-for love-for passion-for warm blankets-for silence-for music-for sunshine-for mountains-for words-for warm sweatshirts-for community-for being able to join with You in communion-for the power and beauty of the incarnation-for Your ultimate sacrifice-for taking on the powers of death and hell so that i might have life-for medicine-for epiphanies-for soup-for warm socks-for being able to snuggle in a warm blanket-for the beauty of joining with other souls-for chocolate-for candles-for baseball.
Thank You for life. Thank You for You. You are life.
Amen.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
A Taste of Grace
This past week has been hard... i've been overwhelmed by a collection of things, and i've been in a funk. It's days like today that i'm grateful for the words below... this is a song we occassionally sing at church, and it has become one of my favorite songs. Typically, when i am feeling like this, I find it hard to remember God's grace and what i remember is my failure and my own short-comings. I think that's why i love this song: God has redeemed me, so i have the confidence to arise, even when what i feel is shame. so beautiful.
Arise, My Soul, Arise
Charles Wesley
1. Arise, my soul, arise, shake off your guilty fears; The bleeding sacrifice, in my behalf appears; Before the throne my Surety stands, Before the throne my Surety stands, My name is written on His hands.
Chorus: Arise (arise), arise (arise), ariseArise, my soul, arise. Arise (arise), arise (arise), arise Arise, my soul, arise. Shake off your guilty fears and rise
2. He ever lives above, for me to intercede; His all redeeming love, His precious blood, to plead; His blood atoned for every race, His blood atoned for every race, And sprinkles now the throne of grace.
3. Five bleeding wounds He bears;received on Calvary;They pour effectual prayers; they strongly plead for me:"Forgive him, O forgive," they cry,"Forgive him, O forgive," they cry,"Nor let that ransomed sinner die!"
4. The Father hears Him pray, His dear anointed One;He cannot turn away the presence of His Son; The Spirit answers to the blood,The Spirit answers to the bloodAnd tells me I am born of God.
5. My God is reconciled;His pardoning voice I hear; He owns me for His child; I can no longer fear With confidence I now draw nigh, With confidence I now draw nigh, And "Father, Abba, Father," cry.
Arise, My Soul, Arise
Charles Wesley
1. Arise, my soul, arise, shake off your guilty fears; The bleeding sacrifice, in my behalf appears; Before the throne my Surety stands, Before the throne my Surety stands, My name is written on His hands.
Chorus: Arise (arise), arise (arise), ariseArise, my soul, arise. Arise (arise), arise (arise), arise Arise, my soul, arise. Shake off your guilty fears and rise
2. He ever lives above, for me to intercede; His all redeeming love, His precious blood, to plead; His blood atoned for every race, His blood atoned for every race, And sprinkles now the throne of grace.
3. Five bleeding wounds He bears;received on Calvary;They pour effectual prayers; they strongly plead for me:"Forgive him, O forgive," they cry,"Forgive him, O forgive," they cry,"Nor let that ransomed sinner die!"
4. The Father hears Him pray, His dear anointed One;He cannot turn away the presence of His Son; The Spirit answers to the blood,The Spirit answers to the bloodAnd tells me I am born of God.
5. My God is reconciled;His pardoning voice I hear; He owns me for His child; I can no longer fear With confidence I now draw nigh, With confidence I now draw nigh, And "Father, Abba, Father," cry.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Sweet Innocence
So, I'm babysitting the other night. I'm making dinner for the boys and they are playing in the other room. I bring Joe the corn i had just made for him and start to dish it onto his plate. He looks up at me with his sweet, innocent, 5-year old eyes and says, "what the hell is that?"
i tried really hard to discipline him and explain that that was not a word that was ok to use, but i was laughing too hard to be effective. then i tell his father (aaron, and my friend and pastor) what has just happened. he doubles over in laughter and says, "i just don't know where they get this stuff!"
i just look at him and say, "are you seriously asking this question? i know exactly where they get this." and then i just look at him.
from the mouths of babes.
i tried really hard to discipline him and explain that that was not a word that was ok to use, but i was laughing too hard to be effective. then i tell his father (aaron, and my friend and pastor) what has just happened. he doubles over in laughter and says, "i just don't know where they get this stuff!"
i just look at him and say, "are you seriously asking this question? i know exactly where they get this." and then i just look at him.
from the mouths of babes.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Another Great Weekend
This was another great weekend. I went to the Red River Gorge with the youth group from La Roca. It was an amazing trip, for so many reasons. I almost didn't go, and i can't articulate how glad i am that i went. hiking, talking, silence, praying, worshiping, game-playing, lots of silliness and laughter and most of all-being together. It was a great reminder that I really, really love these kids. Some days i'm drained and wonder what it is i have to offer them... but I'm so grateful for each and every one of them.
and what's important to remember is that La Roca is far from your typical youth group. Some of our kids have been kicked out of their schools. Most of them rarely hear affirmation at home. What most people probably see in these kids is the rough edges (and trust me, those rough edges are there)... but this is a group of kids that is chock full of quirkiness, love, opinions and leadership. it's our job to steer them. i love getting to have a small part in this journey.
we had this time of affirmation for all of us on saturday night, and it was incredible thing. and i can remember thinking, "ALL of these kids have so much to offer." and then sunday morning, we all sat crowded together in one row... and i loved it. i loved not having enough space, with my arm around michelle... nudging her to wake up every few minutes. I loved how proud I was of Chance and Michelle for sharing with the church about the retreat. I loved feeling like my heart would burst for this crazy group of middle school and high school students.
And i love that this is not typical youth ministry. I love that it's not a group of suburban kids who have grown up in church. I love the realness and rawness... because that makes seeing the good in these kids that much sweeter. Even though they've got so many battles to fight, they are slowly learning that they have a church family who loves them, and a God who fights for them.
and what's important to remember is that La Roca is far from your typical youth group. Some of our kids have been kicked out of their schools. Most of them rarely hear affirmation at home. What most people probably see in these kids is the rough edges (and trust me, those rough edges are there)... but this is a group of kids that is chock full of quirkiness, love, opinions and leadership. it's our job to steer them. i love getting to have a small part in this journey.
we had this time of affirmation for all of us on saturday night, and it was incredible thing. and i can remember thinking, "ALL of these kids have so much to offer." and then sunday morning, we all sat crowded together in one row... and i loved it. i loved not having enough space, with my arm around michelle... nudging her to wake up every few minutes. I loved how proud I was of Chance and Michelle for sharing with the church about the retreat. I loved feeling like my heart would burst for this crazy group of middle school and high school students.
And i love that this is not typical youth ministry. I love that it's not a group of suburban kids who have grown up in church. I love the realness and rawness... because that makes seeing the good in these kids that much sweeter. Even though they've got so many battles to fight, they are slowly learning that they have a church family who loves them, and a God who fights for them.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Change is a-comin'
I am driving south on Interstate 75... getting away for the weekend to see a dear friend... one who has been with me through a lot. It feels good to get away for a few days, not because I don't like my life, but because we all need little breaks once in a while. And i am feeling good about seeing someone who knows me well. I'm driving through the mountains and multiple radio stations turn to just one country station to no radio station at all. Then I remember that I have a used portable CD player in the trunk... i manage to get it out and find whatever CD's are floating around in the back of my car. I pop in some Josh Bales, who I love, but who I have not listened to in a long time. At about this time I'm driving into Chattanooga, and a tidal wave of emotions hit me. I'm reminded of the summer I worked in Chattanooga at Widow's Harvest, when I would listen to this very CD almost every day. And i'm suddenly reminded of the loneliness of those three months, and of the sadness I felt, and of how helpless I felt in dealing with everything. I'm reminded of how I just can't figure out how to articulate what I feel... and that no one seems to get it. At the same time, I'm thankful. So thankful. Because i know that this is not who I am anymore. I know that I have people who love me, and I'm learning to not blame others for my junk. I'm learning not let loneliness and sadness swallow me up anymore. I'm learning to let hope break into my heart.
I'm still driving down I-75, into Atlanta. I spend time with Erin.... one who has seen both deep pain and deep joy in my life. But even as I'm in Atlanta, I'm reminded of this painful season of my life. And again, I'm reminded of how God has changed and transformed me. and i'm thankful.
And i'm reminded that God is continuously changing me, transforming me, loving me, trading the bad for the good. It's so refreshing to be able to concretely see how God is making me confident in who He has created me to be.
I'm still driving down I-75, into Atlanta. I spend time with Erin.... one who has seen both deep pain and deep joy in my life. But even as I'm in Atlanta, I'm reminded of this painful season of my life. And again, I'm reminded of how God has changed and transformed me. and i'm thankful.
And i'm reminded that God is continuously changing me, transforming me, loving me, trading the bad for the good. It's so refreshing to be able to concretely see how God is making me confident in who He has created me to be.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Little Things
exciting things this week:
- the addition of an original nintendo game system to our house (thanks chelsea!)
- knowing that i get to go on a road trip this weekend to see a good friend
- the convenience of having a washer and dryer in my own house
- good conversations with friends i love while drinking yumminess!
- getting to pray with others
- getting to go on walks around my neighborhood, and having extra time this week to do that
- the joy of no longer having to read a book by Bill Hybels
- being able to finally wear long-sleeved t-shirts and hoodies
Friday, October 12, 2007
First Dinner
Last night was our first neighborhood dinner, and i think it went well! We had a good crowd of folks there, and I managed to talk my new neighbor, Ann, and her granddaughter into joining us. I was really glad they came, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them. Samantha and her brothers joined us, along with Chance, so we had a full house. It was a cool thing to look around Aaron's house and see people i knew and didn't know, and have the chance to eat, laugh and talk together. jordan playing with the kids in the living room....talking about the neighborhood and the church....getting to share our stories together......i'm really glad that this is how i get to spend my time.
and then, this morning, Ann's granddaughter knocks on our door at 7. she missed her bus and wanted to know if i could take her to school. that was a cool moment, for so many reasons....life together... it's a cool deal.
in other happenings, i am not really looking forward to this week.... only because of lots of schoolwork! a big midterm due on wednesday, but i'm plugging through because at the end of the week i'm headed to atlanta to see one of my favorite people in the world-my old roommate erin. so i'm pretty pumped about that. i'm really excited about a weekend away with a good friend. it's been an up and down week, but one filled with so many examples of God's faithfulness... encouragement just when i've needed it most.... reminders of how God has created me and called me.
and then, this morning, Ann's granddaughter knocks on our door at 7. she missed her bus and wanted to know if i could take her to school. that was a cool moment, for so many reasons....life together... it's a cool deal.
in other happenings, i am not really looking forward to this week.... only because of lots of schoolwork! a big midterm due on wednesday, but i'm plugging through because at the end of the week i'm headed to atlanta to see one of my favorite people in the world-my old roommate erin. so i'm pretty pumped about that. i'm really excited about a weekend away with a good friend. it's been an up and down week, but one filled with so many examples of God's faithfulness... encouragement just when i've needed it most.... reminders of how God has created me and called me.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Righteous Anger
I have had an absurd number of conversations with women this week who do not understand what beautiful creations they are. Some of these conversations have started as the result of hearing about terrible things that have been done to some of the most amazing women i've met.... abuse given by people that we should be able to trust. and something i've heard come from the mouths of each of these women.... a thought that part of this must be their fault, that they could have stopped it. and it is at this point that i want to both yell and cry. we do terrible things with power, and i've heard some of those stories this week. it's sickening.
at the same time, i've been reading Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia. She talks about what happens to most girls in pre-adolescence... about how most girls find that they can't truly be themselves and be accepted. They find that they must choose one or the other. This makes me so, so sad. It makes me sad because i relate. It makes me sad because i look around at so many of the beautiful girls and women in my life and I know this has taken place in their hearts. And it makes me wonder what the church's role is in all this... as a community of faith, what is it that we can do to let girls know that we deeply accept their true selves? How do we communicate that God made their true selves and accepts them?
It makes me realize that THIS is the task of community. To let each other know that we do not merely accept a figment of one's persona, but that we accept the true versions of ourselves, because that is what God does for us.
In the beginning of Pipher's book she says something to the effect of, "It takes a village to raise a child. Most girls don't have a village." I don't want to just be angry and sad about this statement-I want to work to change this, because this is NOT how God wants His people to live.
There is a much better way waiting to be found.
at the same time, i've been reading Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia. She talks about what happens to most girls in pre-adolescence... about how most girls find that they can't truly be themselves and be accepted. They find that they must choose one or the other. This makes me so, so sad. It makes me sad because i relate. It makes me sad because i look around at so many of the beautiful girls and women in my life and I know this has taken place in their hearts. And it makes me wonder what the church's role is in all this... as a community of faith, what is it that we can do to let girls know that we deeply accept their true selves? How do we communicate that God made their true selves and accepts them?
It makes me realize that THIS is the task of community. To let each other know that we do not merely accept a figment of one's persona, but that we accept the true versions of ourselves, because that is what God does for us.
In the beginning of Pipher's book she says something to the effect of, "It takes a village to raise a child. Most girls don't have a village." I don't want to just be angry and sad about this statement-I want to work to change this, because this is NOT how God wants His people to live.
There is a much better way waiting to be found.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Insomnia
it is nearing 2 in the morning, and i cannot sleep. i would like to be asleep, because i need to be up in about 6 hours. so much is on my mind. a conversation i had earlier tonight. a conversation i need to have tomorrow. needing to confess. needing to confront. my own shortcomings. new friends. the beauty and pain of community life. attempting to trust God with so many unknowns. trying to be sure of who i am. living into the beauty and grace of God. wrapping my head around the mystery of the plans of God. trying to find balance in my life. why chocolate exudes such joy. you know...the normal stuff.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Speaking Life
"To always be relevant, you must only say that which is eternal."
-Simone Weil
this makes me stop dead in my tracks.... i definitely say a lot that is not eternal.
-Simone Weil
this makes me stop dead in my tracks.... i definitely say a lot that is not eternal.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Random Notes
it's been a good first couple weeks of school and settling into my new abode. i'm really exciting about living in the '05, and about being able to hang with some cool people. after the loneliness of the past year, this has been a breath of fresh air. we've already had people over a couple of times to play games, aaron comes over when he gets locked out of his house, and i feel like we've got a house full of warmth and love, and i'm excited about that.
i'm taking a class about forgiveness and counseling this semester-i think it'll be really good. and i also think that it will intersect with many areas of my life that i didn't really expect. on the first day of class, toddy tells us that we won't talk about self-forgiveness, because she doesn't see self-forgiveness mentioned in scripture, since that is a western ideal. this, of course, has gotten me thinking about a lot. and then i start reading.... about how forgiveness really should be a communal practice, but we've privatized it in the west. and if we really think about it, forgivenss is about the "restoration of communion." it's not about making me feel better about how i've hurt someone, but about restoring me to both God and community. there's something to chew on there, for sure. i think forgiveness is one of those words we throw around a lot, but i wonder if we really understand what it means? if we really know what is encapsulated in forgiving someone else? if we understand what it means that God forgives us? is it just a lofty, soft word...or is there power behind it?
we're going on a community retreat this saturday... i think it will be good. and tomorrow i'm cooking breakfast for ian and elizabeth so that we can talk about some crazy community ideas we have. i'm pretty pumped.
have you ever had a really great hug? i'm a hugger.... and i love to give and receive big, bear hugs. last night after church i saw my friend becky, who lives down the street from me. she got really excited when she saw me, and gave me one of those big, long-lasting, embracing hugs. it made me happy. there's something about a good hug... i think because you are both giving and receiving love all in the same moment. it's really kind of a beautiful thing. and it was just so affirming to see how much becky wanted to love on me... it's nice to have those moments some days.... right up there with little joe running down the church hallway yelling, "maggie! maggie!" with a huge smile on his face. i needed that (of course, as soon as he saw me, he says, "hey bad nanny!"...but i'll take what i can get).
so... i may not get any schoolwork done this semester, and perhaps i'll fail out of my third year of seminary.... but at least i'll be loved along the way.....
i'm taking a class about forgiveness and counseling this semester-i think it'll be really good. and i also think that it will intersect with many areas of my life that i didn't really expect. on the first day of class, toddy tells us that we won't talk about self-forgiveness, because she doesn't see self-forgiveness mentioned in scripture, since that is a western ideal. this, of course, has gotten me thinking about a lot. and then i start reading.... about how forgiveness really should be a communal practice, but we've privatized it in the west. and if we really think about it, forgivenss is about the "restoration of communion." it's not about making me feel better about how i've hurt someone, but about restoring me to both God and community. there's something to chew on there, for sure. i think forgiveness is one of those words we throw around a lot, but i wonder if we really understand what it means? if we really know what is encapsulated in forgiving someone else? if we understand what it means that God forgives us? is it just a lofty, soft word...or is there power behind it?
we're going on a community retreat this saturday... i think it will be good. and tomorrow i'm cooking breakfast for ian and elizabeth so that we can talk about some crazy community ideas we have. i'm pretty pumped.
have you ever had a really great hug? i'm a hugger.... and i love to give and receive big, bear hugs. last night after church i saw my friend becky, who lives down the street from me. she got really excited when she saw me, and gave me one of those big, long-lasting, embracing hugs. it made me happy. there's something about a good hug... i think because you are both giving and receiving love all in the same moment. it's really kind of a beautiful thing. and it was just so affirming to see how much becky wanted to love on me... it's nice to have those moments some days.... right up there with little joe running down the church hallway yelling, "maggie! maggie!" with a huge smile on his face. i needed that (of course, as soon as he saw me, he says, "hey bad nanny!"...but i'll take what i can get).
so... i may not get any schoolwork done this semester, and perhaps i'll fail out of my third year of seminary.... but at least i'll be loved along the way.....
Thursday, September 06, 2007
New Eyes
here i am. starting my third and (almost) final year of seminary. i can remember my first semester like it was yesterday.... questioning if i had made the right decision, wondering if i should go somewhere else...but not sure where, bursting into tears at the thought of seeing how i had done on an O'Malley Church History exam. and here i am now... feeling like i've somewhat found my place, feeling, again, like i'm on the edge of something. it's a cool, scary, overwhelming, funny feeling. to look back and see all that worried me, and to see where God has brought me. it's weird to look back sometimes, but necessary...and humbling. and now i'm here, telling others about seminary and ministry and life and community and all the rest... still learning... attempting to grow...praying through it all. sometimes a little perspective goes a long way.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
New House
i've been in my new place for about a week, and we're still working on settling in, unpacking, all of that stuff. i can't tell you how much i love this house! but really... it's more than the house.
i love how God has worked all of this out. i love the roommates He has provided. I love being near so many cool people. i love the relationships i see unfolding. i love the fact that we had about 10 people over last night to play games. i love that i'm sitting in kim's house doing laundry right now. i love that it only takes me about 3 minutes to get to church. i love that some of the church kids are already coming over to bug me and see if i'm home. i love the relationships that are coming about because i'm in the neighborhood. i love this community i'm in... that i feel more loved and a "part" of something than i've felt in a while. i love that i'm among people who really want to love on me and encourage me. i love that God is showing me ways i can serve this community.
and another cool moment this week: there's this family that many other individuals have been pouring into for a while, and this family recently moved really close to where i'm living. i've spent a bit of time with the mom and kids, but not tons, but I really feel like God is doing something here. and i'm realizing, too, what a blessing this mom is to me. they are in need in a number of ways, but this woman has also blessed me by just loving me and showing me hospitality. the other night it's raining and thundering and apparently their power went out a couple of times. so she calls me to ask if we're ok, if our power had gone out, to check on us. how awesome is that?
i love how God has worked all of this out. i love the roommates He has provided. I love being near so many cool people. i love the relationships i see unfolding. i love the fact that we had about 10 people over last night to play games. i love that i'm sitting in kim's house doing laundry right now. i love that it only takes me about 3 minutes to get to church. i love that some of the church kids are already coming over to bug me and see if i'm home. i love the relationships that are coming about because i'm in the neighborhood. i love this community i'm in... that i feel more loved and a "part" of something than i've felt in a while. i love that i'm among people who really want to love on me and encourage me. i love that God is showing me ways i can serve this community.
and another cool moment this week: there's this family that many other individuals have been pouring into for a while, and this family recently moved really close to where i'm living. i've spent a bit of time with the mom and kids, but not tons, but I really feel like God is doing something here. and i'm realizing, too, what a blessing this mom is to me. they are in need in a number of ways, but this woman has also blessed me by just loving me and showing me hospitality. the other night it's raining and thundering and apparently their power went out a couple of times. so she calls me to ask if we're ok, if our power had gone out, to check on us. how awesome is that?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Moving Day!
tomorrow is moving day! yay! this has felt like it's been a long time in coming, and as much as i don't like the packing, organizing, moving, etc... i'm ready to be in my new place! jessica came over and helped me get one load in her car, and then we hung out and talked about lots of different things, which was great. also, for any of you who may be helping, my soon to be old apartment kind of smells, due to an AC leak, and i apologize from the bottom of my heart. please forgive me, and thanks in advance for helping me. i'm ready to be in my new place, closer to the community there. i'm pumped.
speaking of community, last night we had our first dinner for those hoping to 'do' community in the '05. i thought it went well... we had some yummy steaks and good conversation. it was great to look around and feel like i was part of a family here. i'm excited about what is going to take place. i'm also really excited because today was my last day of work at the daycare center.... onto babysitting in the '05! hopefully i won't regret this decision later......
speaking of community, last night we had our first dinner for those hoping to 'do' community in the '05. i thought it went well... we had some yummy steaks and good conversation. it was great to look around and feel like i was part of a family here. i'm excited about what is going to take place. i'm also really excited because today was my last day of work at the daycare center.... onto babysitting in the '05! hopefully i won't regret this decision later......
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sick List
I have been sick today... no fun! but it really is ok, because i've been reminded of all the things today that make being sick bearable. here's my list:
- ready-made progresso soup. i swear by these things. they are yummy, and i can eat them after not being able to eat for several hours. really, i'd be ok not eating right now, but i'm sort of weak, so i know i need to!
- people who are willing to bring me things-i called both beth and bekah and they brought me gatorade, saltines, and applesauce. these things are like a liferaft when your stomach just won't cooperate.
- getting a chance to rest. i know that being sick is not a great reason to rest, but apparently i needed something to get me to chill out. on that note, i've had time today to have some good catch-up conversations.
- breath mints and hot tea. did you know that breath mints help with nausea? it's true. i am never without them. and i don't drink hot tea a lot, but when you are woken at 5:30 in the morning by a violent tummy... i don't know of anything more comforting.
a couple other random notes: i move in less than a week! yay! i'm so pumped to be in my new place.
i saw the movie Jesus Camp on saturday night with peter, jackie, tawndee and jason. i will definitely be commenting on this viewing, because the level of disturbance it caused in my brain warrants an entry. but i'm still processing.
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