Change is a-comin'

I am driving south on Interstate 75... getting away for the weekend to see a dear friend... one who has been with me through a lot. It feels good to get away for a few days, not because I don't like my life, but because we all need little breaks once in a while. And i am feeling good about seeing someone who knows me well. I'm driving through the mountains and multiple radio stations turn to just one country station to no radio station at all. Then I remember that I have a used portable CD player in the trunk... i manage to get it out and find whatever CD's are floating around in the back of my car. I pop in some Josh Bales, who I love, but who I have not listened to in a long time. At about this time I'm driving into Chattanooga, and a tidal wave of emotions hit me. I'm reminded of the summer I worked in Chattanooga at Widow's Harvest, when I would listen to this very CD almost every day. And i'm suddenly reminded of the loneliness of those three months, and of the sadness I felt, and of how helpless I felt in dealing with everything. I'm reminded of how I just can't figure out how to articulate what I feel... and that no one seems to get it. At the same time, I'm thankful. So thankful. Because i know that this is not who I am anymore. I know that I have people who love me, and I'm learning to not blame others for my junk. I'm learning not let loneliness and sadness swallow me up anymore. I'm learning to let hope break into my heart.

I'm still driving down I-75, into Atlanta. I spend time with Erin.... one who has seen both deep pain and deep joy in my life. But even as I'm in Atlanta, I'm reminded of this painful season of my life. And again, I'm reminded of how God has changed and transformed me. and i'm thankful.

And i'm reminded that God is continuously changing me, transforming me, loving me, trading the bad for the good. It's so refreshing to be able to concretely see how God is making me confident in who He has created me to be.